Happy New Year!
New Year’s. That time when we celebrate making it through another year and set our resolve to make the future better than the past. This year, I wasn’t sure if my date would be able to make it. For just a moment, I was angry, but after I quit rolling around in the pigpen of resentment, I decided to have a date with myself, and I must say, it was one of the best dates of my life!
I spent the morning cleaning the house and preparing dinner. Pears with prosciutto and blue cheese were on the menu for an appetizer, followed with slow roasted lamb, roasted broccoli and mushrooms sprinkled with a bit of gruyere cheese for a little zippity-do-da, and sweet potatoes with cranberries and toasted almonds. Macarons are one of my favorite sweets, and although I had to buy them, they were up for dessert. YUM!
I started getting myself ready around 1:00 pm. I gave myself a facial, did my nails, deep-conditioned my hair, and even shaved my legs! I put on my “fancy” makeup and my favorite little black dress, ran to the grocery store to get some dinner rolls and a few extras, came home, set the table, white tablecloth, cloth napkins, fancy china, and all. I put on a little sexy soul music, lit about 700 candles, and sat down with myself for dinner.
It was a little weird at first, so I put my phone up across the table to have someone to look at and just stared at myself. It was one of the few times in my life that I was at a loss for words. I finally said, “Hi. You look very beautiful”. I smiled, relaxed, and decided to just go with it, weird or not, and see what would happen.
We (me) ended up having a wonderful conversation over appetizers, danced, laughed, sang, and generally had a fantastic time. Dinner was delicious, and I ended up eating a little more than was “ladylike,” but I didn’t care. It was so good, and I savored every bite, but I had to end the date early because I was fully lazy from the big dinner! The best thing about a date with yourself is that you never have to say goodbye, so even when the date was over, it wasn’t over, and I went to bed feeling content, complete, and loved – by me!
So why would I spend so much time getting ready for a date with myself? I could have just chucked the entire plan, put on my sweats, and eaten popcorn while watching a movie, which would have been much easier. Because I am worth it, that’s why. What I did for myself was something that I had done countless times in the past for someone else. One of my greatest insights of 2023 was that I treat others better than I treat myself, and with this awareness, vowed that I would love myself more and be a lot nicer to myself, so I did just that, and it was amazing! So amazing that I’m going to do it again!
Things I learned from my date with myself:
1. Live in the moment.
There are actually very few moments that are not pleasant. We make them unpleasant because we are thinking about how we can undo things that have happened in the past, or we dream about a future that is different than what we have now, wishing for a happier and more peaceful existence.
.When I look around, I see that the chaos of the world doesn’t collide with my world very often, and when it does, I determine the collateral damage it causes. When I understood that things were not going to go as I had originally planned, I could have let it ruin my day, but I didn’t. I have in the past, but this time, I realized that it was done. It happened, and I can either become an Eeyore because of it and try to punish the one who I think did this to me, or I can continue on with my day in a happy, joyful way filled with excitement and anticipation for the date I had planned. So that’s what I did, and I came to understand that I didn’t have any worries or problems. They largely belonged to other people. A couple of times my mind tried to pull me back into the Poor Me’s, anger and resentment for my canceled date, but I just noticed it and said, “Oh pish posh (yes, I am old and use the term pish posh),” and switched my thoughts to preparation and excitement for my date.
2. Experience the emotions and express how you are feeling.
Experiences are nothing more than energy that we encounter throughout the day. Those experiences and energy can build up in our bodies and cause all sorts of problems if we don’t let it out or release it somehow.
Let it go, let it flow, let it out! If you’re happy, sing, skip, or laugh! Even unexpressed and bottled-up happiness and excitement can take a turn for the worse if we don’t express them, and can make us feel anxious or uptight. If you’re angry, roar or punch your pillow; if you’re sad, cry. Do something, but don’t put a stopper on them. Some may take longer to flow through you, but they will pass. I promise. Nothing lasts forever unless we bottle it up and say we’ll deal with it later. Sometimes we do have to wait until later, but make sure later doesn’t become never.
I often use a body scan and breath work to relax and release these emotions because cutting up someone’s face with a broken bottle is not an appropriate way to express anger, and I find that I feel better about myself when I use a method that won’t land me on the 5 o’clock news.
The fiery lump in my throat from not being heard, the tightness in my belly from feeling helpless, and the sogginess in my heart from the disappointment were able to be released with my breath, a few tears, and a whole lot of Reiki on myself. It only took about 20 minutes, a far cry from a week of self-flagellation, victimhood, and martyrdom that I used to keep myself in!
3. Notice when it is finished.
However you choose to expel the energy of the emotion is up to you, but you have to know when it is done. Don’t pick it back up; just chalk it up to experience because that’s what it was – an experience.
My method for getting rid of negative energy within myself works well for me when I remember to do it, and I know I am done when I feel light and floaty. Sometimes I feel very tired like I do after a breakdown sob session, and so I rest with it for a bit, but eventually, it floats away.
4. Change your mind and do something different.
If you don’t like how an experience makes you feel, change your mind about what it means to you. After all, it was only your interpretation of the experience that made it good or bad in the first place.
A canceled date does not mean I am being canceled, not important or interesting enough to show up for, that I am unlovable, or any of the other things that I can interpret a last-minute cancellation to mean. What it actually meant on this day was that I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with a very important and incredible person.
Although I learned a lot about how my emotions work and how to turn the tide when I don’t care for the experience, the most important thing I learned about my date with myself is that I am loved: truly, deeply, and unconditionally. I am curious about how this is going to impact the year to come. Something inside of me tells me that great things are going to happen if I keep practicing! Thirty days and it becomes a habit. Thirty days, and it has its own momentum.
I have a feeling it’s going to be a great New Year!
Happy New Year everyone! Blessings to you and yours, and may the coming year be filled with love and abundance!
May you find your Shine and spread your light wherever you go!
