How Parenting Taught Me the True Meaning of Leadership
The other morning, while I was knee-deep in a school assignment, I had a realization: leadership development and parenting are way more alike than I’d ever given them credit for. We often spend so much time trying to improve as leaders at work—taking courses, reading books, and tweaking how we manage our teams, only to come home and somehow forget that those same skills could make us better parents. And let’s face it—being a parent is probably the most important leadership role I’ll ever have.
Parenting, like leadership, doesn’t come with a playbook. It’s full of trial and error. With my kids, I’ve learned that just like at work, progress takes time. You don’t become a great parent overnight (trust me, I’ve tried!). It’s about mastering the basics—like managing bath time without a meltdown—before moving on to the more complex stuff, like helping them navigate friendships or handle disappointment. And just like in my job, parenting is about guiding, nurturing, and helping them become their best selves. It’s a long, rewarding (and exhausting) process.
From Rookie Parent to Experienced Parent
I started thinking about how this journey from "rookie parent" to "veteran parent" mirrors the stages of growth we go through at work. In a job, we move from learning the basics to becoming more competent, and eventually, with a lot of experience, we grow into leadership roles. With my kids, it's the same thing.
When they were younger, my role was all about the basics: keeping them fed, clean, and safe. It was like being an entry-level employee, focused on mastering the essentials. As they’ve grown, my role has shifted. It’s not just about keeping them safe anymore; now it’s about teaching them how to make decisions, solve problems, and be independent. They’re like little employees who are getting promoted, and my job is to coach them as they move up in the world.
The Parenting Leadership Gap
The tricky part? Realizing that what worked when they were toddlers isn’t going to fly now that they’re getting older. I’ve caught myself thinking I could use the same old strategies with them as I did when they were younger—like trying to control every aspect of their day. Spoiler alert: that does not go over well. I’ve had to learn, much like at work, that as they grow, I need to grow too. I’ve got to be less of a boss and more of a mentor, letting them take the reins more often while I guide them from the sidelines.
It’s like when I was first promoted at work and realized managing people wasn’t just about telling them what to do—it was about listening, adapting, and helping them succeed in their own way. With my kids, I’m learning the same thing. They don’t need me to control everything; they need me to be there, paying attention, ready to step in with guidance when they ask for it.
My Four-Step Parenting Strategy
Just like in leadership, I’ve started using a simple four-step process to keep up with my kids as they grow:
Detect (Self-awareness): First, I have to notice when things are changing. Whether it's my eldest daughter suddenly becoming more independent or my youngest daughter needing a bit more emotional support, I need to be aware. It’s just like at work—you have to see what’s going on with your team before you can react.
Adapt (Emotional Intelligence): Once I’ve figured out that something’s shifted, I’ve got to adjust my approach. With my kids, that means showing empathy and understanding what’s really going on, not just reacting to the surface behavior. It's like at work, where I need to connect with my team emotionally, not just focus on tasks.
Choose (Adaptability): I’ve learned that parenting, much like leadership, is about flexibility. Sometimes my kids need guidance; other times they need space. I’m still working on figuring out when to lead and when to let go, but I’ve realized the key is adjusting my style to what they need in the moment.
Communicate and Be Present: Lastly, I’ve learned that staying present and keeping the lines of communication open is critical. Whether it’s sitting down to talk after a tough day or just being there when they want to share something, I need to be present and engaged. It’s the same thing I’ve found at work—good leadership depends on open, honest communication.
Bridging the Leadership Gap at Home
What I’ve come to realize is that both at work and at home, being a leader means helping people grow into their best selves. With my kids, this means learning how to adapt as they change, figuring out what they need from me, and staying connected. Just like in my career, where I’ve had to evolve into a better leader as I move up, parenting has forced me to do the same.
I’m far from perfect (and I’m sure my kids would back me up on that), but I’m starting to see how the leadership skills I’ve been developing at work apply just as much at home. Whether it’s handling a conference call or calming a tantrum, the same principles apply: be aware, adapt, stay flexible, and communicate. And maybe, just maybe, I’m getting a little better at both.
