Food, Feelings, and the Memories They Feed

I’ve had one of those weeks—the kind where something big is on the horizon, you know it’s there, but it’s like trying to catch a cloud. You can almost reach it, but it slips right through your fingers. Well, guess what? This time, I finally caught it.

Lately, I’ve been feeling stressed, anxious, and all those lovely emotions that come with life. And, naturally, I’ve been dealing with it by overeating. It’s left me feeling sluggish, like I’m carrying an extra layer of “bleh.” As I was slogging around in my kitchen looking for a snack, I reached to open the refrigerator for about the hundredth time, I realized, “It’s not about the food!” Shocking, I know. The food wasn’t what I was craving; it was an old habit, a well-worn path I’ve walked down a million times. What I was really craving was the feelings of connection, love and safety and was looking to the food to give it to me.

We all have habits, some of which we might label as addictions—whether it’s overeating, excessive shopping, or even mindlessly scrolling through social media. But these behaviors often serve a deeper purpose beyond what appears on the surface. Many of the habits we struggle with aren’t just about cravings or indulgence; they’re about something much more powerful. Behind these actions often lies an emotional connection—an attempt to fulfill a need for comfort, security, or love. Once we see the underlying meaning behind our habits, we can start the journey toward change.

I’m not a food hoarder in the extreme sense, but my relationship with food has always been complicated. Each month, I spend far more than I should on groceries, only to watch much of it go to waste. I can’t stand the thought of tossing food, so I end up eating what I can—even when I’m not hungry. This overindulgence led to significant weight issues over the years, eventually leading to gastric bypass surgery. It was hands-down the best choice I made for my health, but that didn’t magically fix everything. I still find myself overeating sometimes, and guess what? It’s never about the food itself. It’s about the feelings that come with it.

Food was a major part of our lives when I was growing up.  We’d come home from school to homemade cookies and treats, and holidays were built around klub (Norwegian potato dumpling, dontcha know…), cookies, and pickled herring. We ate dinner together nearly every night, whether at the kitchen counter or in the living room watching TV. There was a sense of connection. Even as a teenager when life got busier, we still found time to gather for meals during the week and celebrate holidays together. Fridays were always steak night, and to this day, a steak dinner with a baked potato or noodles, buttered toast, and a salad drenched in Ranch dressing—brings me comfort – so does pickled herring!

But food is not just a memory for me, it has also become something I’m also oddly possessive about. When I want to eat something and find that someone else has gotten to it first, it’s like a part of my stability crumbles. It’s not that I can’t get more food or choose something different, but in that brief moment, I feel unsteady—like my sense of security has been shaken. It’s a reminder that, deep down, food is more than just fuel for me. It’s a source of comfort, a tangible connection to feelings of safety and love.

I know now that I don’t need to rely on food to feel those emotions. The comfort, love, and security I seek through meals are rooted in memories, not in what’s on my plate. Recognizing this truth has given me power over my habits in a way I never imagined. The realization that food has been my emotional anchor opens the door to real change. I can still honor those memories, but I don’t need to eat them. I can create new ways to feel loved and secure, ones that don’t depend on overeating or wasting food.

So here’s a little food for thought (pun intended, hee, hee):

"What habits in my life might be serving as a substitute for deeper emotional needs, and how can I begin to address them in a healthier way?"

“May you Find Your ShiNe and spread your light wherever you go.”