From Black Sheep to Badass
How I Ditched Limiting Beliefs and Embraced My True Power
As I was heading over to have dinner with a dear friend, I found myself wrapped up in a whirlwind of personal chaos—money issues, relationship drama, and trying to cover my own ass while supporting someone in my life who was balls deep in some seriously risky behavior. As a result, I slipped right into my own personal pity party, and it was a stellar gala. After spending the last 10 years working on my mindset and intentional manifestation, here I was again, with everything seeming to explode around me. I was desperately searching for answers to the question, “How did this even happen?”
As my friend and I talked, she helped me feel better about myself by pointing out my resilience and praised me for doing whatever it takes to change my situation (even if that meant swallowing my pride and asking for help). But real answers? Nope, not until I was on my way home.
By the time I left, I was emotionally drained. Although her kind words of encouragement left me feeling waaaay better than before I had arrived, I still felt like I was no closer to figuring out how to stop history from repeating itself. Then, somewhere between the hum of the tires and the endless stretch of the North Dakota interstate, my mind went blank, and—ping—there it was. It wasn’t that I was a failure. No, I had created these situations for years because of how I saw myself.
I saw that somewhere along the line, I had decided I was one of the black sheep of society. I had surrounded myself with people who were struggling, barely making ends meet, and far from achieving lasting success. Much of that had to do with my own struggles with alcohol and the types of people, places, and things it brought me into contact with. After multiple stints in treatment centers, I started believing I was less than those who didn’t have an addiction. That belief kept me down, convincing me that I didn’t deserve happiness or success because of the things I did when I was drowning in the bottle.
The realization left me feeling like I had been hit in the head with a 2x4! As I slapped my palm on my forehead with a, “duhhhhh,” I realized my life wasn’t just happening to me—I had become the things happening around me and as a result, I had come to believe that I was unsuccessful, and my dreams were always just out of reach.
But on that drive home, something shifted. I saw the truth of the matter is that my journey through alcohol addiction had put me in survival mode, and I had become really good at connecting with all sorts of people. I could build rapport with anyone, and that is a skill. I had always taken my ability to adapt to people far removed from my family’s cultural values as a sign that I was one of “those” people. But the truth was, I could adapt to anyone around me because I’m a survivor.
I saw that I am adaptable, resilient, tough as nails when I need to be, and I never give up (even if it means letting go of things that no longer serve me). I saw myself as the amazing person I truly am, and damn, did that ever feel good! I’ve got this—I always have. Nothing has happened to me that I haven’t eventually risen above. Sure, I may not have always soared as high as I wanted, but now I understand why. Seeing myself in this new light, I’m certain that I will achieve whatever I set my mind to, and that includes seeing myself as the divine and perfect being that I am.
After all, if I could achieve mediocrity while feeling less than mediocre, imagine what I can do now that I see myself as I truly am. As I was basking in the glow of this realization, Amazon Music threw me a bone and started playing a song that I haven’t heard in years but has always been a major motivator for me when I am down. I found a little bit more of my ShiNe as I started rappin’ along with Kid Rock, “I’m back, the fog has lifted, the earth has shifted and raised the gifted… so hit the road Jack…” Mama’s home (Thanks Rock)!
—Go Me! – this is going to be a helluva ride!
